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Oct. 13th, 2013 10:07 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
theunpressuredclub Moments of peace are so rare for her, these days, so she cherishes them when she can have them. Just being able to curl up with a book in the privacy of one's own room is so much more of a gift than people realize. That's why it takes her a few moments to note the quiet, familiar knocking on her door.
When she does, though, she can't help but smile, because that's obviously Edgar on the other side of the door, and it's always so very nice to see him.
"Come in!"
When she does, though, she can't help but smile, because that's obviously Edgar on the other side of the door, and it's always so very nice to see him.
"Come in!"
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Date: 2013-10-14 02:26 pm (UTC)"...hey." Coming in, apparently, requires a hug today--a rather abrupt pulling her in tight against himself as he slowly exhales. "Not busy?"
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Date: 2013-10-14 02:37 pm (UTC)"No, 'm not busy. What's up?"
Because he's hugging her like there might be something wrong.
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Date: 2013-10-14 03:34 pm (UTC)It's still difficult to smile as he lifts one hand to brush back a few loose strands of hair from his cheek. "Just... wanted to talk. About us."
Even if 'us' was a loose construct. A friendship. A maybe-someday.
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Date: 2013-10-14 03:40 pm (UTC)There's a soft touch of surprise in her voice. She can't help the momentary thrill that shoots up her spine at his words-- because 'us' seemed to mean a little more, in the moment, than it had before. Her gaze is tentative but receptive when she looks up more properly at him.
"What about us?"
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Date: 2013-10-15 07:21 am (UTC)But they can't both be entirely off the mark, right? They can't both love her as much as they do and not have a guess at what will help her, surely?
"...it's... I mean, 'm pretty sure it's not actually a secret how much, I-- care about you, yeah?"
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Date: 2013-10-15 07:45 am (UTC)And now he's here, starting the conversation that he is, and she isn't sure where it's going to go. Doesn't know if she's going to have to choose and, if so, who.
There's a faint curl of a smile on her lips nonetheless at she looks up at him properly, "Not-- really, no."
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Date: 2013-10-15 08:19 am (UTC)Which is distinct from the way they already admit to caring for each other. Which is beyond the bonds of the close friendship they have and into the realm of that terrifying word people their age either throw around too often or never say at all.
"And--" His throat catches only briefly. His smile gets only a hair shakier. "--and I know you-- also care about-- about Elliot, yeah?"
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Date: 2013-10-15 08:26 am (UTC)There's a shakiness in her expression as she holds his gaze.
"I-- didn't think you knew."
About how she felt about him. About how she felt about Elliot.
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Date: 2013-10-15 01:51 pm (UTC)Smoothing her cheek with his thumb is nowhere close, but it's the best he can do for now.
"The... two of us talked."
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Date: 2013-10-15 04:46 pm (UTC)"You-- did?" It's clear she's surprised, "I don't-- have to patch either of you up, do I?"
It wasn't that kind of talk?
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Date: 2013-10-16 05:28 am (UTC)But it helps that she knows them both so well. It helps that she's still leaning into his touch. It helps that she's still here and not shutting down this conversation.
"We-- we both just-- want you to be happy, Rach. We want-- for you to have exactly what... exactly what it is you need."
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Date: 2013-10-16 05:52 am (UTC)"I just-- need th'both of you, mm?"
And if it was only like this-- in the awkward slightly painful and entirely delicate balance it was now, she could accept that over having them both at odds with one another or her.
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Date: 2013-10-16 07:53 am (UTC)"...then you... should have that."
As much as it would always hurt a little. As much as it would be complicated and take real effort to make work.
"We-- love you."
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Date: 2013-10-16 07:56 am (UTC)There's relief in being able to say it aloud at last. There's pain and confusion in knowing how much she means it for the both of them.
"And I don't-- want to hurt either of you by--"
By choosing. By kissing one and not the other as she is now. By making it seem like she loves one more than the other when in reality they are both loved at equal, if somewhat different, levels.
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Date: 2013-10-16 11:38 am (UTC)Without worrying about the hurt. Without worrying about not being able to fully have what she needed.
"We'll be all right if we're making you happy."
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Date: 2013-10-16 03:51 pm (UTC)"'s-- That's what th'two of you said? When y'talked?"
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Date: 2013-10-16 04:42 pm (UTC)Are very, very far off from the place they used to be.
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Date: 2013-10-16 05:04 pm (UTC)"...But-- th'two of you wouldn' mind? 'f I-- loved you both?"
And, more to the point, properly showed it?
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Date: 2013-10-17 12:38 am (UTC)As on everything. There would be stops and starts. There might even be sharp moments, painful fights.
But they'll make it work. Eventually. For her.
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Date: 2013-10-17 05:15 am (UTC)"I don't-- want t'be selfish."
And isn't it, thinking she can love them both the way she wants to?
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Date: 2013-10-17 05:36 am (UTC)"...it'd be... way more selfish to... ask you to choose, don't you think?"
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Date: 2013-10-17 05:58 am (UTC)She feels so wholly undeserving of being able to love and be loved by both of them.
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Date: 2013-10-17 07:47 am (UTC)And he can't stop himself from pressing a kiss to her forehead. To her cheek. To her temple and her brow and the corner of her lips. Can't keep himself from trying to bridge this gap in a way he still doesn't fully understand.
"If it's... not what you want," and the words are easier when they're interspersed with delicate kisses to her face, "then... it's not. But if it... if it is, Rach, if... this will make the world a little... easier to bear, please-- please let us be this for you."
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Date: 2013-10-18 01:02 am (UTC)That's surely enough of an agreement, isn't it?
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Date: 2013-10-19 02:14 pm (UTC)And then follow hers slightly, unwilling to break the kiss.
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Date: 2013-10-19 03:14 pm (UTC)It's not like kissing Elliot. She isn't quite sure what the difference is, but comparing kissing Edgar to kissing Elliot is like comparing fire and ice. There's not enough basis for comparison; there's only the act itself.
And just like she loves them both, equally but slightly differently, she loves both of their kisses in the same way.
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Date: 2013-10-19 04:33 pm (UTC)It's wonderful. It's something he doesn't have a proper metric for. It's strange to think he'd managed to live so long without this.
Only breathing gets him to pull back a hair, nose bumping against hers in the concerted effort to stay close.
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Date: 2013-10-19 04:42 pm (UTC)"--Thank you."
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Date: 2013-10-19 05:12 pm (UTC)This will still take getting used to, surely, but it's worth it if this is the result.
"Thank you, Rachel."
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Date: 2013-10-19 05:26 pm (UTC)But it's worth it, if she can love the both of them as she wants to.
The thought has her leaning in to kiss him again, murmuring another "I love you" as she does so.
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Date: 2013-10-20 02:26 am (UTC)There's the tiniest nip as a thought occurs to him. "We-- don't have to... explain to Drew, do we?"
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Date: 2013-10-20 02:59 am (UTC)"We'll-- let's get it-- sorted out between th'three of us first, mm? Then we can-- think about explaining it, 'f we want to."
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Date: 2013-10-20 03:16 am (UTC)Good because it will make things that much easier to bear. Good because it will make it that much easier to feel Andrew and Argine supporting them.
Good because it means he can go back to kissing her now.
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Date: 2013-10-20 03:28 am (UTC)There'll be time to talk later. For now, she's perfectly happy to kiss him back.
ooc;
Date: 2013-10-20 03:36 am (UTC)Re: ooc;
Date: 2013-10-20 03:56 am (UTC)ooc;
Date: 2013-10-20 04:10 am (UTC)Re: ooc;
Date: 2013-10-20 04:13 am (UTC)ooc;
Date: 2013-10-20 04:33 am (UTC)ooc
Date: 2013-10-20 04:37 am (UTC)