it's the worry that gets you [Arthuriana]

[theunpressuredclub]

Somehow, her father's visit had gone remarkably well. She'd fretted about it, prior to his arrival, but he'd managed to be civil, and she hadn't felt the same sort of inadequacy she usually struggled with in his presence.

It helped to know that she was loved as completely as she was by her husband and her dearest knight. Helped to have an excuse to slip away to spend time with the children, every so often.

It had gone remarkably well, until just before her father had departed and he'd come to bid her goodbye privately and everything he'd been waiting to say had finally slipped out.

People were talking, he'd said, though he hadn't said who exactly was. They were talking about how much time the Queen and the King's right-hand man spent together when the King was away. About how the Queen's second and newest child looked remarkably like the knight. Surely she understood how concerning this was to him, yes? Adultery was, after all, a treasonable offense, and even though Edgar looked on her with love now, surely at some point he'd question, and then where would she be? Better for her to deal with it now, her father had advised. Before things got messy.

They're mostly worries that have lingered in the back of her mind since the moment it became clear that her son looked like the other half of her heart. They're worries that have her hiding away in the children's room once her father leaves, her head bent over the young boy as she sits deep in fretful thought.

Comments

aslkehfsdx ;n;

[ofthecubs]

Of course there had been tension before his wife's father arrived for a visit. It couldn't be helped, and it could only just be soothed. It helped that there were the boys to distract her with-- that when he was busy, Elliot could reassure her, and when Elliot rode, Edgar could smooth her brow.

And it had gone well. He had been, in fact, been almost amazed by how well it had gone. The lord had been actually quite civil, almost pleasant in conversation.

So it's a cheerful young king who finds his way to the children's chambers, moving almost without seeing to kiss his wife's hair.

"And to think you were worried."

she has so many concerns ;w;

[theunpressuredclub]

There's a stiffening to her shoulders at the press of his lips to her hair, but she tries to push it away. Manages to smile up at him around the ache in her chest, even though he knows her well enough he'll be able to read the fretting in her eyes.

"Rightfully so, I'd think."

More than he knows, at the moment.

Which is legit. But will have to be cuddled out of her.

[ofthecubs]

The tension is brief but notable. The smile on her lips is lovely but the flicker in her eyes is worrisome.

"...what happened?"

Because he can't think at all what it might have been--what minutia he might have missed.

All da snuggles plz /o\

[theunpressuredclub]

Her sigh is heavy as her gaze drops back down to their son-- and he is their son, for all Edgar isn't his biological father. She has to take a moment to shut her eyes and steel herself to speak.

"Father-- came to speak with me, just before he left. Alone."

Which had been something they'd been trying quite desperately to avoid, for all the man had been apparently much reformed from the dismissive way he used to treat his daughter. Which he'd apparently managed to find a way around, when both king and knight were occupied with other matters.

"He-- said some things."

\o/ ♥

[ofthecubs]

They had done so well. They had been so strategic. They had nearly gotten away with not letting it happen.

But apparently they'd slipped up.

So now was the time to fix it, clearly. Now Edgar kneels on the ground before her, fingers smoothing affectionately at the child's cheek before lifting to Rachel's.

"He's gone now."

♥♥♥~

[theunpressuredclub]

Seeing him caress the child so lovingly helps. Having him touch her properly does wonders. Her breath comes a little more shakily but a little less heavily as she leans back against the press of his fingers.

"I love you."

There's a touch of desperation to the way she says it, a need to reassure both herself and him that theirs was a marriage based on genuine affection, and not just royal necessity.

"And-- you love Elliot. And it's not-- it's not-- sinful, for me to-- love him. Love both of you."

In the way that had ended up with the two children here now, the dark haired boy sleeping in bed and the fairer one in his mother's arms.

"Right? It's not... this isn't cheating?"

The words are so halting, so muddled with the same emotion that has her head reeling and her breath catching with suppressed tears.

[ofthecubs]

It's a beautiful thing. The love they have for each other--and for the knight who had wormed his way deep into both of their hearts--is a beautiful thing. Their children (and the boys are all their children) are a beautiful thing.

He's got to lift his other hand as well, catch both her cheeks tight between his hands and press their foreheads together. It's important that she breathe with him--and that she feels the absolute truth of what they all know is true.

"I love you." Important to start there. "And I love Elliot. And he loves you and-- you love him." He shifts his head enough to bump their noses lightly together. "If there's sin in that, God will judge us later. What-- we have now, what-- we have here, Rachel, is beautiful."

[theunpressuredclub]

Breathing is difficult. Gets a little easier when he presses his forehead to hers and has her focusing more entirely on him than the all-consuming anxieties.

"F-father said that people were-- starting to talk. That they're-- seeing how much time I spend with him, even without you and-- how much the baby looks like Elliot. That they're saying I'm a--"

And the words you could call a woman who sleeps around with men other than her husband catch her throat painfully. Has her eyes shutting as she leans a little better against him.

"--I wish they-- weren't so bad at misjudging-- all that is in my heart."

[ofthecubs]

It's something to be worried about. It's something that will need to be handled. It probably means that they're going to start to need to be more careful, to make better plans for the quiet way they all come together.

Particularly if people are slandering his wife this way. If she's here shaking before him from her own father bringing report of such things.

"I know your heart, Rachel. Elliot knows your heart." One thumb brushes at the corner of her eye, compulsive against tears he doesn't see but worries will fall. "These boys are-- Rachel, this child--" One hand has to drop down and touch the boy's cheek again "Is mine. I will go to the grave swearing that to the world that he is my son and that you have been nothing but faithful to our holy love. And it will-- not be a lie."

Not to them. Not to the honesty of the emotions between them.

[theunpressuredclub]

There's a rough sob that escapes her lips at his words. A trembling nod as her eyes open again and she presses a kiss against his lips fervently.

"God is-- the only One that can judge us on this," she murmurs, "And I-- cannot believe that One so good as He would judge us harshly as this world does, for something so pure as our love."

And it is a pure, beautiful, entirely holy love, between the three of them. It's a love that strengthens them all, and, as a result, gives strength to their kingdom, as well. She'd needed his words to remind her, but she knows them well in her heart, at the end of the day.

Still, there's another furrow in her brow as she thinks on it a moment longer, nudges his nose with hers.

"Don't-- tell Elliot, mm? I worry he'll-- try to do something noble, for our honour's sake."

Like leave. Like break his own heart and theirs, and all because he thought it would protect them.

[ofthecubs]

It's so much better when the sob can be swallowed by a kiss. So much easier to weather the pain when it's followed up by her continued acknowledgement of what's real. What's true. What's genuinely good and pure and wonderful with them.

"We won't let him do anything foolish and honourable." His fingers shift from her cheek to her neck, hold her in place warm and safe. "Don't-- you do anything noble either, Rachel."

[theunpressuredclub]

"I won't," she says, shifting so she can bury her head against his shoulder a moment. Gain strength from his own.

"Nor you, my lion. Please."

It's better, if they all work together without one of them trying to take any sort of fall.

[ofthecubs]

She's safe here. She's safe where he can hold her like this, keep her away from the rest of the world.

He doesn't mean to pause. He doesn't mean to ponder what he might be able to attempt as the monarch of the realm--as their king as well as their husband and lover.

"Nothing noble."

Maybe not nothing stupid.

[theunpressuredclub]

She knows him better than that. She's going to shift just slightly so she can meet his eyes, the quiet worry back in them.

"And not anything stupid, either, Edgar. At least-- not without us knowing, mm?"

[ofthecubs]

It's nice to be known so well by the woman he's joined his life with. It's nice to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that the man he's joined his life with would likely have said exactly the same thing.

It's beyond perfect to have them both. It's absolutely something he'll fight tooth and nail to the bloody end to defend.

"Not without you knowing. I swear it."

[theunpressuredclub]

"Thank you, my lion."

And she presses a soft kiss against his lips, gratefully and entirely lovingly.

[ofthecubs]

He can't help but smile as her lips press against his. The only thing that compares to the joy her kisses give him, after all, are the same from Elliot.

"What would I not do for you?" he murmurs against her lips. "What would I not do for our family?"

All of them.

[theunpressuredclub]

"Nothing less than I for you and ours, Edgar," she replies, pressing her forehead back against his.

And it's a sentiment Elliot would absolutely share. They all know this.