i confess i confess [glowverse]
Oct. 25th, 2014 03:33 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
theunpressuredclub Her shoulder had healed up well enough, although there would be some ugly scarring that would remain. The conversation with Lorraine, while not progressing much further that night, had opened up the door to equally careful conversations-- to a deep amount of thought, on Rachel's part.
Curled up beside Edgar now, his lips pressing softly against the cloth over her healed shoulder as they snuggle on the couch, she finds the words slipping out of their own accord. Doesn't doing anything to stop them, because she's finally started to recognize that maybe it's time to let it go.
"I know Drew-- thinks it's Papa," she murmurs, quite suddenly, "And it-- it is, sometimes. But it's usually... The bad ones, Ed, it's-- it's not him that does it. It's..."
And she can't quite work up the strength to actually name who it is, just yet. She needs to shift, settle more properly into his arms and tuck her head against his chest so she doesn't have to see the expression on his face.
Curled up beside Edgar now, his lips pressing softly against the cloth over her healed shoulder as they snuggle on the couch, she finds the words slipping out of their own accord. Doesn't doing anything to stop them, because she's finally started to recognize that maybe it's time to let it go.
"I know Drew-- thinks it's Papa," she murmurs, quite suddenly, "And it-- it is, sometimes. But it's usually... The bad ones, Ed, it's-- it's not him that does it. It's..."
And she can't quite work up the strength to actually name who it is, just yet. She needs to shift, settle more properly into his arms and tuck her head against his chest so she doesn't have to see the expression on his face.
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Date: 2014-10-25 02:49 pm (UTC)It's meant less time with his father. It's meant more time with his mother's fingers tight on his shoulder helping him focus on what helps and what hurts. It's meant a lot of being quiet and present and full of an open trust in a process he didn't fully understand.
It's a work in progress, still. Rachel's soft words now do have tension pulling tight through him, fingers tensing unconsciously in her arm before he can force a few quiet breaths. Anger isn't the right emotion now. Anger can come later, with Andrew, with his mother; not with her.
"...it's someone else?"
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Date: 2014-10-25 05:21 pm (UTC)"My... My-- Uncle Shea. I-in the-- the Spades."
And she can't help but curl a little more in on herself as she fully anticipates an explosion of emotion from the young man.
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Date: 2014-10-25 06:18 pm (UTC)She's already flinching. She's already full of that tension she gets filled with when he yells; tension he's come to understand is exactly the tension that comes when preparing for a blow to land.
She doesn't need that. She doesn't need to feel unsafe now when she's finally opened a piece of herself that's raw and scared and uncertain.
There's a low frustrate sound in his throat as he curls himself tighter around her, presses his face down properly against the join between her neck and her shoulder.
It takes a few deep breaths before he can begin to find words that aren't angry. "...that's... not okay, Rach."
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Date: 2014-10-25 07:07 pm (UTC)"He-- he s-said he was-- going t'help," she murmurs against his chest, "That he was g-going t'train me. I didn't realize--"
She didn't realize how bad it was. How little Shea's work was about helping the next generation of the Deck; how much more it was devoted to spreading hurt.
"An' now I-- can't stop because 'f I do it'll be-- really bad for-- everyone. H-he doesn't-- like it, when p-people stop showing up."
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Date: 2014-10-25 07:49 pm (UTC)He needs to keep focusing back on that. He needs to keep coming back to the fact she's trying to make sense of this whole thing too.
"Then-- Then it all should-- stop, right? Not-- Not just-- Not just for you, Rach. For-- everyone."
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Date: 2014-10-25 07:55 pm (UTC)That's part of what made it so easy for Shea to do this, after all. So many of the young men and women he was targeting were ones who didn't have any sort of support network to tug them out of the darkness.
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Date: 2014-10-25 09:27 pm (UTC)Which hurts to admit, yes, but which might be the right tack to approach it. It's a first draft of a thought, yes, but surely the attempt at a plan is better than giving in to the sense of being completely overwhelmed by the problem.
"She's not the only Queen in the Deck. And-- it's not even just her Suit it's impacting."
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Date: 2014-10-26 01:08 am (UTC)And she's overwhelmingly powerful, still. It's entirely terrifying to even think of standing up against someone who seems so able to crush her and the people she cares about.
"An'-- it's just me, from-- another Suit."
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Date: 2014-10-26 01:29 am (UTC)"Just you?"
It's impossible for him to genuinely comprehend her being anything to be qualified with a 'just.'
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Date: 2014-10-26 02:27 am (UTC)"Y-yeah, Ed."
It's clear she doesn't really understand his need for clarification.
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Date: 2014-10-26 02:47 am (UTC)"...no one... no one's just them, Rach. Especially-- not you."
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Date: 2014-10-26 09:26 am (UTC)It has her sighing softly as she lets her head drop back down again to rest against his shoulder. It's not quite an acceptance, but at least she's not rejecting it, either.
"Doesn'... change the fact that I'm th'only one not a Spade-- involved in this," she says after a few moments, "D'you really think anyone 's really gonna care about what's happening to-- some really unfortunate Spades kids and a really stupid Clubs?"
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Date: 2014-10-26 01:18 pm (UTC)"Do they deserve this?"
It's a simple sort of question, maybe. It's one he has a strong feeling about--and one he suspects she has an easier, stronger feeling about than about herself.
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Date: 2014-10-26 08:34 pm (UTC)"Of course not. So many of them are-- just kids or-- people who don't have-- anyone else who cares if they get-- stuck in this sort of thing."
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Date: 2014-10-27 01:05 am (UTC)He's not at all as subtle as his mother is with this sort of thing. He's probably never going to be. He's doing what he can with what he has.
"I care. If-- Andrew knew, or Argine knew-- if Mom knew-- they'd care."
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Date: 2014-10-27 02:10 am (UTC)"It's still-- us against her."
And all of the dangerous might Medea holds.
...I forget everyone who isn't Sean, Medea or Ophelia. :<
Date: 2014-10-27 03:23 am (UTC)"Our Queen would care." He's fully convicted in it. He's beyond convinced of it. "Our King would, too. And-- even without their own children, I-- I have to believe that the Hearts and the Diamonds would be on our side in this."
There was Horatio before Lindsey in Diamonds. I don't think we did the rest of that gen of royals :|
Date: 2014-10-27 03:32 am (UTC)And that, perhaps, is one of the worse aspects of this entire situation: That her faith in others has been so drastically shaken by all that she's been forced to experience.
"D'you-- really think?"
We should probably name them for reboot purposes. :|a
Date: 2014-10-27 01:33 pm (UTC)Particularly not at an institutional level.
Indeed we should. Hmhmhm ::|a
Date: 2014-10-27 04:55 pm (UTC)It takes a breath before she's able to admit it.
"Y-yeah. You're... you're right."
This isn't something that should go on.
I'll take Clubs if you take Hearts. :|a
Date: 2014-10-27 08:03 pm (UTC)"It won't be easy. And it-- it will be risky. But you won't have to do it alone."
A sound plan :|a
Date: 2014-10-28 10:44 am (UTC)"It's... it's so bad already, Ed, having to--"
Having to experience it, yes. But more than that, having to watch-- having to see people she'd come to care for suffer and feel so entirely able to do anything to fix it.
Arthur Perkins and Margaret Lacoste. :|a Plus also I feel like we don't have J & A whoops. :|a
Date: 2014-10-28 01:56 pm (UTC)He needs to bite back the hurt, yes. He needs to temper his desire to shout and shake. It's important; it's letting her feel safe enough to consider this, after all.
"It won't keep happening."
...I will get back to that but a) was Arthur Perkins intentional. I've read an arthuriana with that.
Date: 2014-10-28 10:41 pm (UTC)"--Promise, Ed?"
She believes in him just enough to believe it if he promises.
I CAN USE THAT NAME AS MANY TIMES AS I WANT. B| also whyyy my heart ;;
Date: 2014-10-28 10:59 pm (UTC)But he believes in himself. He believes in the Deck. He believes in the men and women he loves.
The nod of his head is firm. "I promise."
OH RIGHT THAT WAS YOU I THOUGHT IT WAS FROM A BOOK but also yes bbs ;w;
Date: 2014-10-29 04:28 am (UTC)"A-all right."
I AM PRETTY PREDICTABLE REALLY. and i can't. /o\
Date: 2014-10-29 07:54 pm (UTC)She has to believe it. He has to believe it too. They have to breathe it in as the truth, noses bumping together and breath mingling in the quiet of these safe rooms.
I LOVE YOU ANYWAYS it is much feels /o\
Date: 2014-10-30 12:08 am (UTC)She'll get to believing it. She's already starting to.
At the moment, though, she's finding it much more important that she seek out his lips with hers, murmurs the words reverently against them.
"I love you."
PERFECT /o\ why so much all the time ;;
Date: 2014-10-30 12:41 am (UTC)"I love you-- so much, Rach."
It was destiny, yes, but that hasn't made it any less real.
so much and so many ;w;
Date: 2014-10-30 12:50 am (UTC)It's what helps her take these steps forward like this, slowly but surely.
let's just have nice things /o\
Date: 2014-10-30 01:15 am (UTC)She has to know that that's real as well. She has to believe that as deeply as she believes they're going to make things change.
we will get there /o\
Date: 2014-10-30 02:27 am (UTC)This she trusts a little more, honestly. She believes in him-- in the glow that brought them more properly together.