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[theunpressuredclub]

 Most young wizards aren't able to master more difficult charms like the Patronus. That's why this particular part of Defense Against the Dark Arts is optional, or at the very least not penalized. But Rachel is a Slytherin, and like all Slytherins she's ambitious, and it's more likely than not when she's an Auror she'll need to be able to conjure a Patronus, so she figured she may as well start early.

"Expecto Patronum!"

She's getting on better than most, at least. Others aren't even able to get the smoke-like wisps that she's managed to conjure up so far.

Comments

RNG said 5th/6th. o9

[ofthecubs]

He doesn't come because she's here. He doesn't come because it's a chance to see her, to stand close beside her and not have her spit venom or Elliot attempt to involve himself at all.

And that's a good thing, because there's not a lot of time to stop working and bask. There's a lot of focusing. There's a lot of trying to drag through happy memories. There's a lot of failure.

But Edgar is a Gryffindor, and that means challenges need to be attacked headfirst.

"How the hell d'you know if you've-- got the right memory?"

Curse you, RNG o9

[theunpressuredclub]

She quite enjoys herself when she's here, for all that there's frustration in trying to grasp the spell. She feels like she's actually doing something to better prepare herself for her career, more than she already is in classes.

It helps that she and Edgar are getting along better. That the roll of her eyes is entirely fond and not at all mocking when he asks her about the memory.

"Weren't you listening? It's meant to be a-- a truly happy memory. One that-- fills you up with how light it makes you."

He's got plenty of those moments, she's sure. She remembers several such golden memories from when they were younger. It's touch of bitterness still in them now that has her faltering, wisps of progress vanishing and making her frown at their disappearance.

[ofthecubs]

"Of course I was listening."

But they weren't working. His happiest moments had such a pale cast of grief, of resentment, of something bitter and uncomfortable he doesn't completely understand.

Still, he takes a deep breath. He squares his shoulders and, for a moment, he closes his eyes.

What's happy? Think of happy. Focus on happy.

And what pops suddenly into his mind isn't childhood. Isn't learning to fly with Andrew or tumbling with the three best friends he ever had. It's so much more recent. It's the first time in years Rachel's smiled at him. "--Expecto Patronum!"

It's not perfect, but it's the closest he's come so far--the most like a the head of a lion bursting forth with a silent roar.

[theunpressuredclub]

"--That was pretty good, Edgar," she comments with a clear tone of surprise, before focusing once more on her own working of the spell.

It's hard, finding a good memory. She's been using a memory with her friends in Slytherin, but now it's clear it's time to step it up a notch.

Thinking of her and Elliot's first kiss, she murmurs. "Expecto Patronum."

And there's the shape of-- something-- that forms, but it's not clear what.

[ofthecubs]

It feels good. There's something wonderful and warm that floats in him as he tries to keep the happy feeling going. Watching her--seeing improvement, seeing strength, seeing determination and grit--helps strengthen it.

"Go on with you. You can do better than that."

[theunpressuredclub]

There's an instinctive nose wrinkle at the words, but it smooths out as she glances over at him and reminds herself that he's actually encouraging and not just teasing.

The fact that she knows him well enough again to know that makes her smile, and that has the Patronus forming into something more solid.

Something that looks rather like a large cat, if she squints.

[ofthecubs]

It looks a lot like a large cat, if a person is looking. Edgar isn't. He's still getting used to the fact that he gets to see her smile again. It's distracting.

His own concentration has left the ghost of a lion's head evaporated into smoke, but he doesn't lift his wand again yet.

"You switch memories just then?"

[theunpressuredclub]

"Mmm?" It's a little distracted, her attention mostly on the beginnings of her Patronus as she tries not to wonder about why it's thinking of him that makes it more solid than thinking of Elliot. After a moment, though, she looks back at him with a nod, "Yeah."

[ofthecubs]

"Huh."

All right. New start. Attention back on his own mind.

Think of the day Toby was born. Think of Max clinging in a thunderstorm. Think of meeting Andrew for the first time. Think of summers with Rachel and Argine. Think of leaning close on starry nights in the backyard.

Think of being allowed to hug Rachel again. Think of the feel of a smile against the curve of his neck.

"Expecto Patronum!"

And the burst from the end of his wand is undeniably corporeal--is absolutely a lion barreling forward headfirst toward the sky.

[theunpressuredclub]

Her own Patronus vanishes as her attention is drawn to the lion moving across the room, to the gasps of awe of the others and the applause of the instructor.

"Well done, Mr. Eicheln," the instructor says with a nod of approval.

"Yeah. Great job, Ed," Rachel will murmur, using the fond and as-yet rarely utilized nickname without thought as her eyes remain on the Patronus, "He's a beauty."

[ofthecubs]

Official approval feels good. How can it not feel good? Friendly approval feels good as well.

But it's the way Rachel says his name that keeps his smile bright, his own eyes flashing with triumph.

"...nn." And attention's got to be paid. The dip of his wand brings the regal feline back around, streaming with a fluid sort of unnatural motion back toward the caster. "'s... yeah."

[theunpressuredclub]

His smile brightens hers, though he likely won't see it. It's so nice to see him smile again. It's nice to be learning things with him again, the way they used to figure things out together in their youth.

Makes her actually think of a memory that suits. Her wand lifts, and her eyes shut as she tries to crystallize that first time she flew on a broomstick and looked down to see his proud grin.

"Expecto Patronum."

It feels right. She doesn't open her eyes just yet, but she can feel the perfectness of it, the feeling like a part of that emotion is escaping through her wand.

In the form of a lioness.

[ofthecubs]

It's going to hurt, in a minute. It's going to hurt when he stops to think about the years they've wasted; about the way Elliot is continuing to keep their attempts at working things out from genuinely succeeding.

But the first impulse as he half-focuses on his own Patronus and half-glances to see hers is a surge of absolute joy. Is his free hand moving to nudge slightly at her arm, a ridiculously happy smile on his face.

[theunpressuredclub]

"Let me guess, it's a tiger or something," she murmurs when his hand nudges hers, "I always liked those-- oh."

And there's such a strange lurch in her heart that is simultaneously ecstatic excitement and something a touch more like dread when she opens her eyes to note that their Patronuses are a matching pair.

She manages a lopsided sort of grin at him before any faltering begins, "Think I can use this to convince people the Sorting Hat was wrong?"

[ofthecubs]

The lioness looks so... right, next to the lion. Starts to dissipate when, suddenly, he can't get rid of the thought that this must be what she looks like next to him.

And the inescapable fact he can't really have that is the opposite of a joyful thought.

"...nah." His smile isn't quite right, but it's trying. "Hat was right. You're... you're perfect just where you are, Rach."

[theunpressuredclub]

The lioness shivers just a little out of existence as the significance of her form starts to settle a little more in Rachel's mind. She forces the thought away almost instantly-- finds the thought a little easier when he speaks.

She can't help the beaming smile that touches her lips, the expression mirrored by the solidifying and the contented stretch of the lioness. This is another happy moment.

"...Thank you, Ed."

[ofthecubs]

How can he not smile when she's smiling--and smiling at him? How can the lion not look suddenly nearly solid before vanishing into nothing?

How can this not hurt, no matter how happy it makes him to feel this brief connection?

"For-- what?"

[theunpressuredclub]

"Just... Means a lot. T'hear you say that."

And the lioness wavers, lasts a little bit longer before winking out of existence.

"What with-- everything."

With all the heartbreak that had come of her being sorted in another House.

[ofthecubs]

He doesn't trust his words. He doesn't trust himself to say things that won't make the moment worse.

Hopefully she won't tug away when he reaches to tug her wrist. Hopefully she won't stop him ducking his head to nudge her shoulder.

That's the best he can trust himself to do.

[theunpressuredclub]

She won't tug away. She will, after just a moment and only briefly, curl against his in a tight hug before she pulls away, smiling at him.

"C'mon. Bet I can conjure it again before you do."

[ofthecubs]

"Bet you can't."

It's going to hurt. It's going to keep him up at night. It's going to make this amorphous unhappiness at her being so far away crystallize that much more into the emotion it really is.

But that's later.

[theunpressuredclub]

It's going to be something she'll try to keep herself from thinking on. It's going to be something that will pop up at inconvenient times, like the next time she kisses Elliot. It's going to be something that, for once, she doesn't want her boyfriend to know about.

But for now, it's a happy thing. It's a moment for them to get on just as easily as they had in their childhood.

"We'll see about that."

[ofthecubs]

It's a strange piece of information to have. It's a thought which on the one hand will fuel the elation to create a Patronus, and it's a thought that he won't be able to tell even Andrew while they sit together in the safety of their friendship. It's something that will go back constantly between being the best and worst thing he knows in the world.

And it's something which, a few years later, when he's graduated and visiting her at Hogsmeade, reveling the fact things have changed so much for the better since that day, will pop up in his mind. "...hey, Rach?"

[theunpressuredclub]

It's not something that, since she and Elliot separated, she'd put too much thought into. Not even something she'd considered much beyond the first time it'd occurred, if only because she'd forced it back so far into her mind that it wasn't something to immediately face.

It's certainly not in the forefront of her mind when she's with him and just reveling in the contentment of being with him even for the brief amount of time he was in Hogsmeade.

"Mmmhm?"

[ofthecubs]

"Just... thinking."

Which he does, from time to time. Which usually involves too much introspection, if never of the depths to which Andrew sometimes got lost.

"About-- when you were dating Elliot."

[theunpressuredclub]

There's a shift then, a slight furrow of her brow as she looks him in the eyes questioningly.

"What about it?"

[ofthecubs]

Breaking eye contact isn't the point, but it is an unfortunate side effect of pulling her closer, needing to nuzzle in against her neck for a moment. Physical contact is so important in their brief time together.

"Did... did you ever tell him about your Patronus?"

And, by extension, Edgar's.

[theunpressuredclub]

She can't help but smile as he snuggles closer, and she presses a kiss against his temple warmly before she responds.

"No." And her arms curl better around him as she says it, "I figured it'd-- make him worse about things, mm?"

Because things had already begun to fray, then, what with Elliot's increasingingly possessive jealousy growing the closer she got to Edgar again.

"I mean I-- tried not t'be consciously aware of-- how I felt about you then, but, well-- y'know what they say, about Patronuses and the people you're in love with. And even though he never learned I-- know we wouldn't have matched."

He was anything but lion-hearted, after all.

[ofthecubs]

Every touch is wonderful. Every kiss solidifies that this is real--and that this is really working, despite being far apart.

And, at the same time, it makes it all right to ask questions that still hurt a little.

"Is... that when you knew?"

[theunpressuredclub]

There's a soft sigh as she lets her head drop to rest comfortably against his shoulder.

"The moment-- When I saw our Patronuses together, I knew in the moment. But I-- pushed it away, after, and it took me all that time to-- properly figure it out again."

Or, at the very least, it had taken separation from Elliot to realize just how much she got on with Edgar, and just how little she and her then-boyfriend were actually working out.

"...Was that when you knew?"

[ofthecubs]

"...no."

His nose finds her temple, arms curling tighter around her. He can't help that his lips are curling up into a smile, despite the slightly sober topic of conversation.

"I knew-- before then. The first time Reynolds told me I-- couldn't see you anymore. Because it hurt such... such a different way than I expected, y'know?" Hurt like love, not like friendship. "Just... seeing them together was the-- first time I thought maybe you might feel th' same way, y'know?"

[theunpressuredclub]

"Such a long time," she murmurs, shifting slightly to press a kiss against the side of his neck, "Why didn't you-- say anything? After the Patronuses?"

Or even after Elliot had left.

[ofthecubs]

He doesn't so much laugh as sigh in a fashion which is almost, almost amused. His arms squeeze just a little tighter.

"Because it... didn't seem fair. Or like... I deserved your love."

[theunpressuredclub]

There's a thoughtful hum as she squeezes back, nods against his shoulder.

"I suppose that makes sense. But... For what it's worth, Ed, by then you-- definitely deserved it."

[ofthecubs]

"But would I have if I'd thought I did?"

Which is a legitimate question.

[theunpressuredclub]

"Would you have?" She really can't help but ask, even if she imagines the answer is the negative, "Although I suppose I-- don't know what I would have done, if you had."

[ofthecubs]

It's a brain-bender, really. One he could get stuck in like a cat in a paper bag.

"Guess the point is I didn't."

[theunpressuredclub]

"Doesn't matter now, anyways," she says, leaning back just a little so she can kiss him properly.

"We made it in the end."

[ofthecubs]

"We did," he murmurs back against her lips. "And nothing's gonna change that now."

[theunpressuredclub]

"Nothing," she affirms, nudging her nose against his before she kisses him again, "Promise, Edgar."